For The Sake Of Waiting
by CatatonicVanity
Summary: I crave the most simplistic things, but it's never enough, and so I wait. I know tomorrow will likely mimic the days that have already come to pass, but still I wait. I wait for the sake of waiting. Oneshot for ginnirox. AU. MxM


**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or its characters. I also do not own Thin Mints, Corolla or Monster and all rights go to their respective owners. The ideas for the plotline go to Ginnirox, my wonderful friend.**

**Summary: I hate that every time I learn something, it becomes engraved behing my eyelids. But it's all I've ever been good for, and so I force my old self into oblivion and put in it's place a new monster... My mommy was a princess. She was loved and adored in her kingdom. When her soul was gifted to God, the sky was dark and the stars faded to oblivion. Her kingdom and her subject fell apart... I often find myself craving simplistic things, but it's never satisfying, and so I wait. I know that tomorrow will likely mimic the days that have already come to pass, and still I wait...**

**AN: This was written for Ginnirox. I enjoyed writing it a lot. I would love feedback. **

**Warning: The following contains content of a sexual nature, alcohol usage and violence. **

The most simplistic things in life are said to be the most fulfilling, but I've never found this to be true. Many people enjoy sleep, for instance, but I fear it. The blackness of the unknown is when I lost myself...

When I lost my life.

My mommy was a princess. She was loved and adored in her kingdom, her home. Grand-daddy always told me that she was a princess, that she should have been a _queen_. But daddy was bad, daddy was mean and he didn't make mommy a queen. I look a lot like daddy, I was told. I had mommy's eyes though. People always told me that I was a good boy and I was loved. Until I was eight years old, I believed them.

Then one night, while I was sleeping, daddy came back. He wasn't there to make mommy a queen. While I slept, he stabbed mommy until all her life was gone. When she was found, all the sparkle in her eyes was gone and there was no mommy left.

They burned mommy. They offered to let me spread her ashes, but I was scared. They still hadn't found daddy.

Then one night, I was sleeping again. Since mommy was killed, I was a light sleeper and I didn't sleep much. Daddy snuck through my window and tried to stab me, too. I screamed and screamed and they shot daddy. He was dead on the floor. After he died, my uncle didn't want me anymore; none of mommy's family did.

Because mommy was a princess. Everyone loved mommy, even though she wasn't a queen. When her soul was gifted to God, the sky was dark and the stars faded to oblivion. Her loyal subjects weren't so loyal anymore and her kingdom fell apart.

My name is Mail Jeevas. I am Matt. I am what remains of my mother's kingdom and legacy. I am an object, an artifact, a relic to be studied and analyzed. But they don't know; they've never properly seen me.

And so I wait. Whether it be for the mask to slip or for them to stop trying, I don't know. I doubt I'll ever know. I wait for the sake of waiting. I know tomorrow will likely mimic the bland and un-fulfilling stretch that is today, but still I await it. I wait for a promise. A false promise, of course. Any guarantee of improvement is a lie.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

People say that learning is good. It helps you grow as a person. The more you learn, the more opinionated you are and the more defined you are.

I'm a robot. A drone. I grew up at Whammy's house, where the goal was to be the next L. All the children there were drones, trying to be the next L. We were all seasoned to be emotionless. In the end, it didn't matter what they taught us, though...

Only one would win.

Near won the race. I came in second. I was so _close _to winning, to achieving my life dreams, only to fall short.

I still remember that one day in perfect detail.

I was called to Roger's office. I knew damn well what was going on. L had chosen his successor. I wanted so badly for it to be me, but I think that deep down, I knew it wouldn't be.

"You both know why you're here."

I swear, that old man hated me. He knew I was impatient. He knew I couldn't control my emotions like the rest of the children. Being in the same atmosphere with that brat made it hard to breathe. We were polar opposites-it was like trying to sustain a fire in the middle of a blizzard. It just didn't work.

I was tall, pale, with electric blue eyes and straw colored hair. Near was short, pale, with white _everything_. White hair, white clothes, white puzzles, white toys. He had black eyes, like drenched coals. He was calm, stoic and collected. I was rash, hot tempered, and impatient and I always let my emotions get the best of me.

Despite all of this, Roger made me wait. He made me suffocate in the same environment as that damn albino. I tried to stay calm. After all, I'd been waiting my whole life to hear this news; that I had failed.

When my fears were affirmed, I stayed calm. I strode from the room with my face blank and my head high, despite the tears on my face. I sauntered to my bedroom with all the confidence and feline grace I'd always possessed. When I got there, I threw my clothes, shoes and items of personal importance into a bag. I added my laptop and cash as an afterthought.

I shredded what remained. I tore my room, the bed, the furniture to pieces. I screamed profanities I didn't know I knew and the devil quaked in his boots.

I left myself behind when I climbed out of my window that night. Every bit of knowledge now is ingrained behind my eyelids. I cannot be myself, because I've never been good for that. All I'm good for is absorbing information that becomes carved into my brain.

I lose a bit of me when that happens. No one cares. And so I wait. I wait for someone who will care for me. Someone who wants Mihael Keehl, not Mello. This day will never come. And so I force my old self into oblivion with everything I learn and carve into my mind.

And still I wait, because there _has_ to be someone, no matter how impossible I think it is.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A tab on Matt's computer dinged. He had received a Facebook message from Misa. Rolling his eyes, he checked it and found her chirping about her wedding. And she wanted him to go. Shit.

He _did _owe Misa a favor. She had pulled his ass out of the fire more than once…

Oh, what the hell-maybe he'd get drunk and fall into the arms of someone who would be gone the next morning.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Fuck. Misa wanted him to go to her wedding. He loved Misa, he really did. She was like a sister to him, annoyance and all. But Mello didn't like weddings.

Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds; he would never have a love that strong and pure.

Oh no. Misa pouted just slightly, widening her eyes and taking Mello's hand. He relented and agreed, causing her to squeal in delight. She threw her arms around his neck and thanked him profusely before flouncing away, leaving Mello to wonder just what he had done.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"_Mattie!" _Shit, here it comes. "Why is your tie loose? Where is your jacket? Why are you wearing Converse? And why are you wearing those goggles?"

Matt slung his jacket from his shoulder, showing it to the irritated blonde. Looking down at himself, he flashed his signature smirk and watched as forbidden attraction grew in blue eyes.

"Does it really matter? I dressed formally enough for a wedding, and besides, I look damn sexy."

"Yeah," Misa said quietly, blinking hard. "You're right." She wandered off to badger someone else.

Matt didn't miss the blonde watching him. He turned to face him full on and let his smirk grow. Well, Blondie was sexy, that was for damn sure. He had shoulder length, straw colored hair that was cut in choppy layers. His eyes were electric blue and embedded in pale, flawless skin. He was tall and lean, clad in a solid black suit with a white tie and black, knee high combat boots.

When he saw Matt's smirk, Blondie raised an eyebrow. Matt simply winked and turned, sweeping away into the crowd.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Thank God Misa let him wear his boots. Mello didn't think he could handle wearing dress shoes, as uncomfortable as the suit was.

_"Mattie!"_ Huh, that was Misa's voice. Mello briefly wondered what she was on about.

"Why is your tie loose? Where is your jacket? Why are you wearing Converse? And why are you wearing those goggles?"

Mello looked over to the sound of Misa's screeching and found her yelling at a redhead.

Damn. She was yelling at a _sexy_ redhead. His hair was unnatural crimson red, and if it was dyed then his roots didn't show it. It was messy and slightly tousled in a carefree manner. His jacket was slung over his shoulder and his shirt and tie were both loose. He wore black dress pants and solid black Converse. Orange tinted aviator goggles were secured over his eyes.

Red looked down at himself and smirked, looking back up and replying to Misa's incessant shrilling. Misa grew a bit dazed and agreed apparently, because she drifted off.

Red turned to look at Mello. The smirk grew with a confidence he didn't seem to have. His shoulders were hunched, as though he were trying to disappear. His free hand was twitching and fisting, as though he was anxious.

Mello arched an eyebrow as goggle covered eyes raked appreciatively over his body. Mello suddenly wanted to know what color those eyes were, and as the thought passed, Red winked and turned, disappearing into the crowd.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

If he was honest, Matt didn't like Light. He was an egotistical asshole with a serious God-complex. He probably didn't treat Misa right, but that was beyond his business. Really, it was a shame Light was so arrogant. He was brilliant, in a beautiful-mind sort of way.

Matt leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, shrugging off the glares he got. The wedding was outdoors, so why should they care? Taking a deep drag, Matt leaned his head back and exhaled the smoke.

A low chuckle sounded beside him. "That explains a lot," a deep, smooth, voice drawled in a bored tone.

Matt looked over to see Blondie in the chair next to him. He was reclined much like him, leaning back with his knees spread and one hand on his stomach. In his other hand, a chocolate bar was clutched which he took a snap from.

"And what, pray tell, does it explain?" Matt asked in an equally bored tone, taking another drag.

"Your hands were shaking and twitching earlier as though you were being deprived of something. You're addicted to cigarettes."

Matt quirked a brow and looked at Mello, blowing smoke into his face. Mello inhaled the scent of tobacco and took another vicious bite from his chocolate bar.

"Seems I'm not the only one with a vice," Matt shot back, gesturing to the chocolate.

"Well, you got me there. I'm Mello."

Matt chuckled. "Well, I don't have a name near as interesting. I'm Matt," he said, extending his hand. Gloved hands grasped his and shook firmly. Matt dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his heel, while his ears perked.

"Misa's coming." With that, he stood as the Wedding March began. Mello's interest was piqued and he stood as well, watching as Misa came down the aisle.

When she reached the alter and took Light's hands, Mello and Matt sat down in their seats. Mello had to resist snapping off pieces of his chocolate bar loudly, instead sucking the corner into his mouth. He nibbled the confection until he was able to take the corner alone and roll it around his tongue, allowing it to melt on his tongue.

Meanwhile, his thoughts drifted to the redhead beside him. This Matt character was certainly interesting. He possessed a shield of cockiness that didn't really exist. It was a mask, and Mello wanted to shatter to porcelain. The laid back exterior gave no signs of his thoughts, but Mello had trained himself to read people. Matt was harder than most people, but Mello didn't care.

He was tense. Mello could tell that he didn't want to be here. When he would fidget or twitch he would look around like he was paranoid. His cheeks were gaunt and pale, unhealthily so. He was lean and his muscles were defined, even though he was dreadfully thin. His whole body sagged inwards and his head nodded slightly, as though he were completely exhausted. Mello wondered if he was an insomniac.

Good God, Blondie had to stop eating chocolate like that. Matt would swear that his tongue was making love to the chocolate bar. And why the hell was he examining Matt so closely?

Well, two could play at that game.

The blonde seemed to want to be here even less than he did. He was in a state of perpetual tension, even when he was deep in thought. Now he seemed very lost in thought and he wasn't watching the ceremony. Matt lifted his fingers to his goggles, relaxing only slightly when he found them there. He worried his lip nervously, almost breaking the skin. The sharp pains it brought helped him to stay awake.

Over the years, Matt had developed somniphobia; fear of sleeping. He had stayed up for almost six days once before he crashed. He had taken to having micro-naps, sleeping for about forty minutes a day. The goggles were worn to cover the dark, bruise-like circles under his eyes. No one knew just how bad his phobia was.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Misa beamed and wrapped her arms around Light, kissing him deeply.

Matt stood and focused on staying balanced and upright. He was so tired. When he managed to stand up completely, he found Mello watching him with concern.

"Are you okay?" the blonde asked.

Matt went rigid. His eyes flashed behind the aviators. People never really wanted to know if he was okay. They wanted to play false sympathy and get close to him so they could hurt him.

"I'm fine," he replied curtly. Mello raised his hands in a surrender gesture.

"Relax man. I was just asking."

Matt sighed and relaxed, allowing his body to hunch over again. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just don't want to be here."

Mello chuckled. "Neither do I. What say we get wasted at the reception?" Matt smiled and nodded as they proceeded inside.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Matt scoffed and downed his champagne. The best man had just made his toast; what a kiss-ass. This Mikami guy had a hard on for Light, that was for sure. Mello rolled his eyes and downed his own champagne before refilling the glass.

"The champagne is good, but it'll take forever to get drunk off of."

Matt arched a brow. "Is that so?"

Mello grinned smugly. "I'm Russian."

Matt chuckled and stood, leading Mello to the kitchens. Rooting through the cabinet and the fridge, he withdrew a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka.

As he uncorked the whiskey and took a swig, he studied Mello's quizzical look. "I'm Irish," he said before tilting the bottle back and feeling the sting of the liquor as it ran down his throat. "So, I take it Mello isn't your real name?"

Mello tensed slightly. "And why should I tell you?" he asked coldly.

"Well, my real name is Mail. So how about a fair trade of information?"

Mello stared in shock with his jaw hanging open. He'd always been self conscious of his real name, but Matt (Mail?) did have a point.

"Nah. My real name is Mihael." Looking around, the blonde started rummaging through the counters in search of food. Matt hummed and followed suit, managing to find a box of Thin Mints and a bag of chips. They sat on the floor and leaned against the counter island, drinking and exchanging pointless banter through the ceremony. When waiters or guests would come in, they would hide and sneak around like secret agents, falling into fits of laughter afterwards.

Mello looked over as he caught his breath from another laughing fit to see Matt leaning against the counter, trying to do the same. His eyes were cast upwards and his cheeks were flushed from laughter. His chest was heaving and his lips were parted.

Whether it was the alcohol or primal instinct, Mello didn't know. What he did know was that he wanted Matt underneath him, writhing and shrieking. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Matt's, causing the redhead's eyes to widen in surprise. Matt fell back against the floor and Mello toppled after him, pressing his body to the floor. He slipped his tongue into the redhead's mouth eagerly, beating Matt's tongue into submission.

When Matt lost the struggle, he submitted and moaned into Mello's mouth, arching his body up. Mello's hands found the boy's waist and gripped hard, pressing their bodies together.

Mello broke the kiss and lay there panting. "Mattie, let's go," he demanded breathlessly.

"My place or yours?" Matt asked, hauling them to their feet.

"Let's go to yours. Mine is trashed."

Misa squealed in displeasure as the two raced past her in a flurry of groping and kissing.

"Mello! Mattie! Where are you going?" Both ignored her as Mello straddled his bike. Matt followed suit and grinded his crotch against Mello's ass, causing the blonde to hiss and gun the motor. Matt placed his chin on Mello's shoulder and licked the pale column of the blonde's neck, nipping gently and whispering directions.

The gamers' nimble hands found their way under Mello's shirt and teased the pale flesh there. The blonde in question growled and pressed harder, leaning forward over his bike.

Upon arriving at the apartment complex, they burst through the lobby in a tangled mass of arms and legs and lips. They toppled into the elevator where Matt punched the button to his floor. As the doors dinged shut, catcalls and wolf whistles followed them and Matt managed to flip the bird out of the elevator.

Mello pinned Matt to the wall and kissed up his neck, tugging his earlobe with his teeth. "I hope your neighbors don't mind the sounds of screaming," he growled in Matt's ear, tearing a shudder from the younger.

Flipping their positions, Matt ground his hips against Mello's. "No one's ever made me scream."

Mello laughed throatily, shoving Matt out of the now open elevator. "You haven't had me yet."

Matt shoved Mello to the door of his apartment and fumbled with the keys, finally unlocking the door. When he turned the knob, it gave out under their weight and Matt kicked it shut once they had both fallen inside.

Mello reached up as curiosity overwhelmed him. He had to know what color Matt's eyes were. He tore the goggles off before Matt could argue and gasped.

The orbs were sparkling green, marked with flecks of yellow. But the sheer beauty of them wasn't what caused Mello to suck in a sharp breath of air. They were surrounded by dark, bruise-like circles that extended around his eyes, making it seem as though black eyeliner had been smeared around his eyes. They were sunken in unhealthily.

Mello studied the dark flesh, allowing his unasked question to hang in the air. Matt looked away as a light blush colored his cheeks.

"I have somniphobia," Matt murmured quietly. When Mello opened his mouth to respond, Matt caught his lips in a fierce kiss and pressed their hips together. Mello gasped as desire overwhelmed him once more.

"It doesn't matter," the redhead whispered in a sultry tone. The alcohol in Mello's system agreed profusely, insisting that fucking the redhead senseless was the only thing that mattered at the moment. In the back of his mind, he was sure he'd regret not questioning further, but in the front of his mind, he didn't care.

As they felt their way around the apartment, they kicked off their shoes and tore each other's ties off, shredding the shirts and discarding them on the floor. Once they entered Matt's bedroom, Mello shoved the redhead down on the bed and swooped down on him, planting kisses all over the surprisingly toned chest. Matt gasped as he felt his dress pants being torn from his legs, then sat up and helped Mello do the same.

"What?" Mello panted. "No underwear?"

"You don't have room to talk," Matt shot back, gripping Mello's exposed erection and drawing a gasp from the blonde. He shoved three fingers into the redhead's mouth, laughing darkly when Matt gagged slightly before obediently swirling his tongue around the digits. Mello moaned at the thought of having Matt's tongue somewhere else and withdrew his fingers. Matt sat up and pushed the blonde back against the footboard, bending and wrapping his lips around Mello's erection. The blonde gasped and reached down the boy's back, shoving his index finger into Matt as retaliation. Adding his middle and ring fingers, he stretched and probed Matt's entrance harshly, drawing whimpers from the redhead.

Mello withdrew his fingers and shoved Matt back on the bed. When Matt landed, he gasped and spread his legs eagerly, gripping the sheets in anticipation. Mello nudged in between Matt's legs and snapped his hips forward, burying himself completely within Matt. The redhead bit back a scream of pain and gripped the sheets tighter, causing them to rip.

Mello was completely merciless, slamming into Matt over and over again. He gripped Matt's shoulders and pulled his body back, creating ten crescent moon-shaped indentions on his shoulders. The redhead was caught off guard and yelped in pain and pleasure, flushing bright red when the yelp morphed into a cry.

As blood appeared on Mello's cock, he fell into a steady and uninterrupted rhythm. Matt tried and failed to bite back yelps and cries of pain and pleasure, winding his arms around Mello's shoulders and tangling his fingers in flaxen locks. Mello pounded into the redhead and struck his sweet spot with every thrust, causing Matt to see stars.

Matt still refused to scream, opting to bite his lip instead. Blood appeared and trickled down his chin, which Mello leaned down and lapped up. The metallic taste of the copper liquid flared on Mello's tongue, igniting his senses with fire. He reached down and wrapped his fingers around Matt's erection, pumping him in time with his erratic thrusts. Matt threw his head back and howled in ecstasy.

"That's it baby," Mello growled in his ear. "Scream-_ahh-_scream for me."

Matt buried his face in the crook of Mello's neck and pressed his body flush to the blonde's.

"M-Mihael!" he cried as he came all over their chests. Mello grunted at the use of his birth name and how beautiful it sounded rolling off of Matt's tongue like that. With one more deep thrust, he came hard and collapsed on top of the redhead's body. He rode out the orgasm with shallow thrusts, sighing in pleasure and contentment.

After several moments, Mello pulled out and clambered off of Matt, lying down beside him. His eyes drifted closed of their own accord, and as he was dozing, he felt the bed shift beside him. Peeling his eyelids back, he found Matt struggling to get up.

'_Oh my God… He's really afraid of sleeping…'_

The thought was solemn and Mello felt a frown tugging at his lips. He reached up and hooked his arm around Matt's waist, pulling the redhead down against his chest. Matt whimpered and struggled weakly, trying to fight the black oblivion.

"Shut up and close your eyes," Mello demanded tiredly, tightening his grip on the impossible redhead. Matt felt his body go weak against his will and fell effortlessly into a deep slumber. Mello felt a small smile grace his lips and closed his eyes, drifting off not long after.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Matt woke slowly, feeling more rested than he had in years. He peeled his eyelids back and rolled over, feeling slightly saddened when the blonde bombshell wasn't beside him. Then he shook his head and dismissed the thought. One night stands never stayed; Mello was no different.

He stood and stumbled to the bathroom with the intent of showering. He opted against clothing and grimaced at the pain that shot up his spine. The pain was worth it though.

He took a few more tentative steps and stopped when he felt fabric under his foot. Looking down to ensure that he didn't fall and bust his ass, he stopped short when he saw a black dress shirt that most certainly wasn't his. What the…

He furrowed his brow and turned, leaving his bedroom. He was stunned to be met with the aroma of pancakes drifting through the air.

'_I'll be damned,' _he thought as he stood in the threshold of his kitchen. A certain blonde was standing before the stove, wearing a pair of Matt's lounge pants and making pancakes. Matt leaned against a wall and watched him work.

Mello turned and gasped when he saw Matt standing there in all his naked glory. He looked away with a blush on his cheeks. "I, uh, I hope you don't mind," he said while placing plates on the table.

"You stayed… And made pancakes?" Matt asked in genuine curiosity.

"Yeah. I figured it was the least I could do for getting blood on your sheets… Your blood," Mello said apologetically.

"Oh? I hadn't noticed," Matt said as he sat down and poured syrup all over his plate, taking a bite from the fluffy goodness. "Thanks though. They're delicious… Even if they aren't pretty." Matt was thankful that there wasn't an awkward silence or tense conversation. He was perfectly at ease with Blondie.

"Shut up," Mello snarled, taking a vicious bite from his own breakfast. Thank God that talking to Matt wasn't awkward. Mello _liked _talking to Matt. He loved the witty banter that they both exchanged and Matt didn't seem to care that he was smart.

Mello was currently hoping that he and Matt could be friends after the previous night. He had a distinct feeling that he and Matt could even be compatible partners, or fuck buddies at the very least, because _damn _Matt was good in bed. He chewed his pancakes thoughtfully. "So," he said after swallowing. "You're afraid of sleeping?"

Matt swallowed and pursed his lips. "Yes. I suppose you want to know why?" Mello nodded and tilted his head. "When I was eight, my father killed my mother while I was sleeping. I never even woke up. Then, a few weeks later he tried to stab me while I was sleeping."

Mello sucked in a sharp gasp through his teeth. "I'm sorry," he said softly, causing Matt to scoff.

"No you aren't." Mello looked up with a combination of hurt and anger in his eyes."You're sympathetic. You offer condolences. But you aren't sorry because you aren't at fault. You don't grasp the situation enough to be sorry, and so you aren't. Don't say it."

Mello watched him thoughtfully as understanding grew in his mind. Matt had probably heard the words _'I'm sorry' _a lot from people who didn't give a damn. As the thought passed through his mind, he nodded.

"So, what's your back story?" Matt asked. Mello bit the inside of his lip.

"What's there to say? I was raised in an orphanage since before I can remember. I tried my absolute hardest to rank first there but I couldn't because my emotions get ahead of me. So I spent my whole life… waiting."

Matt interest perked. "Waiting for what?" he asked.

"Waiting for weekly rankings… Waiting to leave the orphanage… Waiting to figure out what to do with my life…" Mello's voice trailed off as his gaze grew distance.

"Waiting for someone who wants what's under the mask?" Mello looked up to find Matt watching him with unshielded eyes. His lips were pressed in a hard line and his eyes were riddled with pain and sadness that Mello couldn't fathom. He nodded.

"Well then, aren't we both in the same position? Waiting for someone that might never exist."

The sadness in Matt's eyes grew and deepened, and Mello felt his gut clench. He wanted to kiss the redhead's pain away.

Standing, Mello made his way around the table and leaned down. Green eyes snapped up to meet blue and Matt found Mello leaning towards him, eyes seeking approval. Primal instincts kicked in and he suddenly wanted to own the blonde standing over him. Matt lurched forward, crushing his lips to Mello's.

The blonde gasped and stumbled backwards while Matt stood and grabbed a fistful of his hair. Matt forced Mello's head back and plundered his mouth, mixing the taste of cigarettes and chocolate.

Mello felt his cock stir to life at the way Matt was controlling him. His hands drifted down to the laces of the lounge pants and he untied them, dropping them to the floor. Matt's lips left his, causing Mello to whine desperately. The hand in his hair yanked roughly, leading Mello down the hallway.

"M-Matt, what's going on?" Mello stammered as he was herded into the bathroom. Matt simply grinned sadistically and started the shower.

"We got kind of dirty last night. Besides, you claimed ownership over me didn't you? My turn," he hissed, shoving Matt into the bathtub.

Mello stumbled under the spray of near-scalding water and cried out, trying to jump away. Matt stepped in behind him and pressed him harshly to the wall, holding his hand under the spray. He trailed his wet hand down Mello's spine, drawing a shudder from the blonde.

Matt's index finger gently probed Mello's entrance, pressing in and wriggling around. Mello keened lowly and pressed himself backwards.

"What, no more-_ngh_-no more rough treatment?" the blonde panted. The question elicited a low chuckle from the soaked redhead.

"If that's what you wanted, you just had to ask." With that, he shoved his middle finger into the blonde and scissored roughly, drawing a shout of pain from the boy. He curled his fingers roughly and inserted his ring finger, probing and stretching harshly.

Matt withdrew his fingers after he felt the blonde buck backwards and scream in pleasure. Mello whined and pushed his hips backwards, aching for friction. Matt gripped the blonde's waist and snapped his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt inside Mello. He paused only slightly to allow his lover to adjust. His fingers rubbed soothing circles into the flesh on Mello's hips.

Screams echoed off the porcelain as Matt started a harsh rhythm, pounding into the blonde. Mello shrieked and writhed against Matt's body in bliss and pleasure as Matt's hand wrapped around his shaft. With every jerk of his hips, Mello's hips thrust forward into Matt's hand, bringing the blonde to completion quickly. Matt followed soon after and cried out, leaning against the wall and supporting his quivering lover.

When he regained his breath, he grabbed a washcloth and squirted a generous amount of soap onto it, wiping the remnants of the previous night off of Mello's chest. The blonde looked up with bleary eyes as Matt cleaned his body. It was strange to him that someone could be so harsh and rough, then caring-gentle.

Matt turned off the shower and stepped out of the bathtub, grabbing two towels and throwing one to Mello. The blonde watched, mesmerized, as the mahogany haired boy walked into the bedroom and snapped his aviators over his eyes once more. He picked up Mello's dress clothes and folded them, draping them over the back of a chair at a computer table.

"If you want to stay for a while you can," he said as blankly as he could, which wasn't much. He was dismayed to hear his voice shaking, but Mello didn't seem to notice. He went back to the kitchen in favor of pulling up the lounge pants and grabbing a cold pancake.

He heard a shrill ring from the living room. Matt walked past him in a pair of ribbed skinny jeans, toweling his hair dry. He picked up his phone and groaned, shooting a desperate glance at Mello.

"Help me?" he asked in a begging tone. Mello nodded in confusion and Matt answered the phone, which emitted a high pitched shriek.

"Mattie! Where did you and Mello go?" Misa squealed. In the background, static noise and blurred voices sounded.

Matt drew in a deep breath. "Misa, we went to the kitchen-"

"-where we found the liquor-" Mello chimed in.

"-and so we got a bit tipsy-"

"-then we came back to Mattie's place-"

"and fucked."

Misa was silent for a few seconds. "Ohhhhh…" she said eventually. "Well then, yay! That sounds hot." A voice sounded over an intercom. "Oh, my flight is boarding. I'll talk to you two when I get back!" A _click _signified Misa hanging up.

Matt stared down at the phone in his hands. Then he shook his head and tossed the phone onto the couch, plopping down beside it.

"I would apologize, but I get the feeling you already know how Misa is," he sighed heavily. Mello made a noise of agreement and flopped down beside Matt, grabbing the remote and claiming control over the television. Matt simply smiled and shook his head.

Six hours later, Mello pulled on one of Matt's stripped shirts. "Do you have anything other than stripes?" he asked.

"Nope!" Matt chirped from the couch. He was reflecting on his day spent with the blonde, exchanging playful and pointless banter. Mello didn't judge him or pry into his personal business. He was comfortable and at ease with Mello.

Mello was at ease around Matt. Matt was genius to match him, challenging his wit. He didn't give a damn that Mello was smart. He didn't judge Mello.

When Mello left, he took his dress clothes in a plastic bag and wore Matt's clothes (which were comfortable-not that he'd ever say it). He left a piece of paper on Matt's pillow with a phone number scribbled on it and the words _call me? _

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Two Saturdays later found Matt sitting at a table in some Italian restaurant. His DS was clutched in his hands and the sounds were muted, which sucked. But the waiters were insistent that he shut off the sounds and so he obliged.

A certain blonde strode into the restaurant, clad in skin tight, black leather. The sleeveless vest ended just above his belly button and showed off taught abs and toned muscles. Long, pale arms stuck out from the black material and led down to leather gloves. Black, clunky combat boots went up to his knees and where they ended, black leather pants hugged his thighs tightly. Gothic crosses were on his knees and the pants were tucked into the boots, which were platforms.

All eyes were drawn, willing or no, to the blonde with azure eyes and a harsh look. Men and women alike raked their eyes hungrily over his body, but he had eyes only for a gorgeous redhead.

Matt was clad in a tan vest with faux white fur, a black and red stripped shirt and ribbed skinny jeans. He had black, leather, elbow length gloves and black combat boots that zipped and buckled up to his knees. His aviators were secured over his eyes.

Mello dragged his eyes up and down the redhead's body, taking in the outfit. Matt did the same, smirking.

"Is that what you usually look like when you go out?" the gamer asked eventually. Mello arched an eyebrow.

"I could ask you the same."

"This is true," Matt replied easily. "But I don't look like I run a crime syndicate."

Mello grinned slyly over a glass of wine and took a sip.

"Well then, what do you do for a living?" Matt challenged.

Mello's face grew serious. "I run a crime syndicate," he said seriously. "How about you?"

"I'm a hacker-by-hire," Matt replied with a small smile. Mello smiled crookedly, wondering just _why_ that didn't surprise him.

"Well then," Mello said, raising his glass. "We should get along just fine."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Saturdays became a date night of sorts. Many nights were spent on Matt's couch, eating pizza and watching B rated horror movies. One night, Matt ventured to ask if he could see Mello's apartment. The blonde had tensed and shaken his head.

"The mafia knows where I live. I don't want them knowing about you," he had replied, closing the conversation.

Matt had complied and closed his mouth, feeling strangely flattered by Mello's words. He'd never been protected before.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Matt's somniphobia never truly vanished. He spent many Saturdays asleep on the couch with Mello's hands on him. Mello took to staying the night whenever he could get away from his underlings.

Mello rented a new apartment. He made sure it was hell and gone from anywhere near where the mafia would expect him to be. After lodging bullets in the skulls of the underlings who had dared to follow him, he waited two days before bursting into Matt's apartment.

The gamer (who had been gaming) shot off the couch in surprise and spilled his Monster. Looking over at an excited and breathless Mello, he opened his mouth in a silent question.

"What the hell?" he finally said, wondering if he really wanted to know.

All the confidence drained from Mello's body and mind. He found himself stuttering over his question and blushing.

"I got a new apartment and I made sure the mafia didn't follow me and I wanted to ask you to move in with me." The words came out in a single breath of air, all rushed.

Matt blinked. Understanding dawned on him and he grinned, walking forward and embracing the mafia boss.

"Don't be so nervous. Of course I'd like to move in with you. The only reason I didn't ask is because of the mafia," he cooed reassuringly, kissing the blonde's cheeks. Mello crushed their lips together in a fierce kiss.

"I'll help you pack," he panted when they broke apart. Matt ground their hips together, pressing his aching erection against Mello's thigh.

"Or… You'll fuck me into this couch," he drawled, bringing the blonde down with him.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Two days later, Mello dragged his redheaded lover out of the apartment with a box of computer supplies under his arm. He pushed the elevator button repeatedly, cursing it for being slow. Matt simply smiled and allowed himself to be dragged away from his life.

When they reached the parking lot, Mello was bouncing like a child with an ice cream cone. Matt sighed and threw the box into his car. Turning and grabbing his elated boyfriend's shoulders, he squeezed tightly and forced the blond to look into his covered eyes.

"Mels, babe. Go get on your bike and let's go home."

Mello's eyes grew dazed in happiness as he agreed, straddling his bike. He gunned the motor and made sure Matt was on his tail as he led the way through Los Angeles to his new apartment.

Twenty minutes later, Mello bounded into the apartment building, dashing up the stairs with Matt in tow. He burst into the apartment and dropped the boxes, leading Matt down a hallway and opening two doors.

"So, which do you want?" he asked breathlessly. His smile dropped when Matt looked at him with a mixture of anger, hurt and disbelief on his face.

"So, wait. You asked me to move in with you, oh and we are together, and you want me to sleep in a different bedroom?"

Realization struck Mello hard and he found himself stuttering under that intense glare.

"N-No that's not what I meant at all!" Matt raised an eyebrow challengingly and crossed his arms. "What I meant was, I want you to choose a bedroom for us and I was going to have you turn the other room into computer room!"

Matt's eyes lit up childishly. A grin broke across his face as he grabbed Mello's face and kissed him. They toppled backwards into one of the bedrooms and fell on the bed in a heap.

"I like this one," Matt said cheekily.

"Shut up and kiss me," Mello growled in frustration.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**One Year Later**

Matt finished a hacking job for Mello. He was the hacker for Mello's branch of the mafia and was strictly off limits to anyone except for Mello. Two dead guys made that clear. Matt shuddered at the memory.

It had been four days since Mello had left for the base. Matt was used to the blonde being gone for long periods of time, but damn, Mello had been such a tease before he left. Matt was fucking lonely and needy without his counterpart.

He activated the cameras he had planted in the base and located Mello. He watched the blonde move with cat-like grace around the room, barking orders and checking laptop screens. Men and women alike watched him move in his skin tight leather with dark intentions in their eyes. Matt wished he was there suddenly. He wanted to make them watch Matt claim his ownership over the blonde.

Shit. That wasn't a good train of thought to follow. He couldn't get the images out of his head. He could see Mello bent over the back of that tacky couch, screaming profanities and begging for more while Matt fucked him into oblivion.

Matt growled in disdain at his erection. Damn it, he didn't want to think about this now. Not when Mello was so close but he couldn't have the blonde.

Temptation won over and Matt's eyes closed as he palmed himself through the denim of his jeans. He growled again. Mello was so going to get it when he got home.

Matt opened his eyes and all thoughts of sex left his head. Over each screen and monitor, nothing but smoke and flying debris could be seen.

Matt sat, frozen as he stared at the remains of the base through the smoke. His lover's name chanted through his head like a mantra.

'_Mello's hurt… Mello's hurt… Mello's hurt… Or dead…' _

With that thought, Matt was standing and out of the room. His keys were scooped into his hand as he raced down the hall of his apartment and the door was slammed roughly in his wake. The redhead dashed down the stairs in a blur of black and white stripes and cursing, shoving people aside.

When he slid into his car, he jammed the keys into the ignition and gunned the motor. At this point, he didn't give a damn what happened, so long as he got to his Mello. He would crush anyone that tried to stop him.

Matt tore out of the parking lot and within a minute, cops were on his tail. He cursed aloud and wove wildly through traffic, causing at least one wreck and trying to lose the police. When one stayed on his tail despite his best efforts, he grabbed his Beretta and shot out the back of his car twice. One bullet shattered the windshield and one bounced off the hood, serving as fair warning.

"Ah shit," Matt snarled, lighting a cigarette. "They'll know the plates by now." He was briefly thankful that it was almost dark as he tore down the street to a black plume of smoke.

What should have been a thirty minute drive took just over eight minutes. Matt ripped the keys from the ignition and didn't bother to shut the door as he raced through unbearable heat and billowing smoke. For the first time in his life, he cursed his cigarettes.

A map appeared in Matt's mind and he knew he was standing where the main meeting room used to be. He got his bearings and faced due north, thinking about where Mello would have gone. He couldn't have known that another mafia branch would blow the base, which begged a question: how the hell had they managed to plant the explosives without Matt knowing?

Shaking his head, he decided to think on it later. He ran in the direction of Mello's temporary bedroom and kicked smoldering pieces of wood out of the way when he got there. There was no body, only ashes and cinders of the furniture. Matt cursed and ran blindly down the hallway.

At the entrance to the back room, he tripped over something. Stopping and turning, he looked back and what he had tripped over and felt his heart leap into his throat. A mess of blonde hair and pale skin was lying on the ground, surrounded by ashes and blood.

Matt dropped to his knees and shoved burning pieces of wood out of his way, hauling the blonde over his shoulder. The faltering _thump…thump… thump… _of Mello's heart made tears spring to Matt's eyes.

His Blondie was alive.

Matt stuck to the shadows and smoke as he made his way back through the remnants of the base. When he exited he threw Mello into the backseat of his car. As he tore back to the apartment, he focused on the shallow and raspy breathing coming from the backseat.

When he reached the apartments, he parked in a secluded alleyway and climbed the fire escape with Mello tossed over his shoulder. When he reached the landing of his apartment, he threw his elbow through the window and shattered the glass, shredding his arm in the process. Kicking the glass out of the way, he made a beeline for the bedroom and laid Mello on the bed gently.

When he came back to the bedroom, he forced ice chips into the blonde's mouth, hoping to stop the horrible rasp coming from his throat. Matt peeled the leather off and picked the pieces from the burns. He flushed out the wounds with water and peroxide, praying constantly that Mello stayed unconscious. He then bandaged the wounds carefully with gauze and medical tape.

Once he'd wrapped his own wounds, he locked the apartment door and hooked up his computers to the apartment lobby video feed. He would make sure no one came after his Mello.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Matt sighed and looked at the digital clock. It was three in the morning and he was sat on the Santa Monica Pier, waiting for the affirmative. He stroked the steering wheel gently and looked mournfully at his beloved Chevelle. God, this was going to kill him. Looking back, he felt a small sense of relief when he saw the moon shining on the bag on the beach.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, flipping it open.

"Talk to me," he demanded.

"You sure about this man?" a voice on the other end answered.

"Positive. Now are you ready or not?"

"Yeah, yeah. Calm down. I'm waiting half a mile south with all the shit you need. See you in a bit?"

"See ya, Wedy." With that, he broke the phone in half and dropped the pieces in the floor. He cranked the engine and sighed mournfully once more.

Then he punched the accelerator. The Chevelle shot down the pier and over the edge. Matt gripped the steering wheel and braced himself for what he knew would be a jaw-rattling impact.

Indeed it was. Matt bounced around the car like a marble from a sling shot. As water started to fill the car, he shook himself from his daze and clambered from the open window. As his car sunk, he swam to the beach.

When he clambered onto the sand, he wanted to collapse and go to sleep, but he had to remind himself that Mello needed him. So he crawled to the bag and opened it, rifling around inside and pulling out a detonator. Flipping the switch, he cringed when a small explosion sounded from the water. Then he grabbed the wad of cash from the bag and started trudging down the beach.

Several minutes later, Wedy came into view. When he reached her, he pressed the cash into her palm and took the keys to his new car.

"There's a cell phone, water, first aid kit, insurance papers, blanket and towels in there. The insurance has been paid for up to a year, but I don't think you'll need it for that long," the blonde haired woman informed him.

"Thanks Wedy. There should be five grand in cash there. I'll wire the rest into an account and inform you when it's there." With that, Matt climbed into the Corolla and drove away, taking the long way to the apartment.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Three days had passed since the explosion. Between caring for Mello's injuries and ensuring that no one came after his blonde, he had a plethora of time to think.

Mello had set the explosives. That much was clear to Matt's prodigy mind, but he couldn't understand why. Nor could he understand why Mello hit the detonator while he was still in the building.

Matt sighed and finished wrapping the bandages on Mello's face. He held his head in his hands as his body sagged. Three days without a wink of sleep. But at this point, Matt didn't really care. He had to make sure Mello was okay.

Listening to the soft sound of breathing beside him, Matt strained his ears for a hint of a rasp. There was none. Matt still slipped more ice chips through Mello's slightly parted lips and watched with little satisfaction as they melted. If he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of breathing beside him, he could almost believe everything was okay.

Almost.

"Matt…" The voice was soft and weak. Matt opened his eyes and looked around from where he had slumped onto the bed. The glaring red numbers informed him that he'd been asleep for almost six hours.

"Matt…" The voice ran out again, a bit louder than before. Matt shot up and turned, sinking back down to his knees on the bed. Bleary, blue eyes were staring at Matt in a haze of pain. Matt crawled towards the mess of bandages carefully.

"Mello, baby, are you okay? Do you want painkillers?" At this, Mello nodded and Matt jumped up, retrieving a bottle of painkillers that he wasn't sure were legal. He gave Mello two of the pills and a glass of water, sitting him up and helping him choke down the pills.

"Mels… Baby, did you set the bombs?" Mello nodded tiredly and Matt sighed. "Why, Mels? Why would you do that?"

"Mattie… I had to… I had to make sure they all died…"

"Why did they all have to die?" Matt coaxed gently.

"They needed to die… So that we… Could be together… Safely…" Mello breathed.

Confusion swam in Matt's mind. "I don't understand," he whispered to the blonde, trying his hardest to keep his temper. "We've been together safely all this time. What's so different about now?"

Mello reached into the case of his pillow. His hand fumbled around blindly and Matt thanked years of having to be patient when the blonde withdrew his fist oh so slowly. Mello extended his arm to Matt with his fist clenched, ready to drop something. Matt caught the small object in his palm and gasped.

The ring was nothing special. It was a stainless steel band with a small diamond embedded in it. On the inside was an engraving that read _"Love Conquers All'_. Matt found tears glimmering in his eyes as he realized what Mello was implying. Looking up, he found tears rolling down Mello's cheeks.

"Mattie… Will you marry me?" Mello's voice cracked on the last word. His lips were quivering. Matt leaned forward and kissed the tears away while understanding dawned in his mind.

"Of course I will, you blithering idiot," Matt said in a choked voice. "What would ever make you think that I would say no?"

Mello worried his lip as his eyelids started to droop. "You're… Too good for me… Mattie…" he whispered.

"No…" Matt moaned softly. "Don't say that baby. Of _course_ I'll marry you." He laid his head down against Mello's chest and encircled his torso with his arms. "I love you so much," he whispered, letting his eyelids fall closed.

"Can we go to sleep Mattie?" Mello asked lowly. Matt nodded and snuggled into the covers, sighing in contentment as sleep overtook him once more. For once he believed that everything would be alright.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The sounds of applause faded in Mello's ears as he crushed his lips to Matt's. Breaking away, he took in the redhead's pale face and sparkling green eyes. He reveled in the lack of circles under his eyes as his eyes raked lower and took in the happy, carefree grin. He smiled and closed his eyes when Matt pressed butterfly kisses over the rough, leathery scar material.

Six months had passed since the explosion. The left side of Mello's face, then trailing down his arm and torso, were scarred irreparably.

When Mello had first laid eyes on the scar, he had locked himself in their bedroom for two days and refused to let Matt see him. It was ridiculous, of course, seeing as Matt had been the one to take care of him the whole time. Matt had pounded on the door and gone through demanding Mello to open the door to softly requesting Mello to open the door. After two days, he had called through the door: "Why don't you open the door?"

Mello had hugged his knees tightly to his chest. "It's so ugly, Matt. I can't let you see me like this!" he had cried.

The apartment had gone deadly quiet. Mello was more terrified of the silence than of Matt's yelling.

"Don't tell me that you think I won't love you anymore…" Matt had said quietly.

"How could you want me if I look like this?" Mello had shrieked hysterically. More silence…

The door crashed down to the floor, showing a livid Matt standing in the doorway. The redhead had grabbed Mello and ripped his clothes from his body, pinned him to the wall and pulled the blonde's legs around his waist. He had fucked Mello senseless into the wall, snarling wildly the whole time.

Mello had tried to look away, only to have Matt grab his chin. "Oh no you don't," he had growled. "Look at me, Mihael!" Mello had unwillingly dragged his eyes back to the redhead's. Matt's face had softened considerably.

"This ring, Mihael. You know what me wearing it means? It means I'll always love you. No. Matter. What."

Mello was snapped from the memory by a low chuckle sounding in his ear.

"Don't get too excited, babe. We still have to make the toast," Matt said, dragging Mello into the building by his hand.

Mello raised his glass of expensive champagne and looked around to the happy faces watching them. As he opened his mouth to recite his toast-something cheesy and stupid-he met eyes with the redhead next to him. All the words left his mind and he was suddenly taken back to a distant memory.

He was sitting across the table from a naked redhead in a kitchen, eating pancakes in a shitty apartment. They were having a rather melancholy conversation about their pasts… And about waiting. The only time he had ever been read so perfectly was that day, looking into Matt's fathomless eyes.

'_Waiting for someone who wants what's under the mask?'_

Mello stared into the sparkling green eyes of his new husband. Those eyes were still unfathomable and deep, riddled with emotions Mello only hoped he'd one day understand. Right now they were full of concern and confusion.

"Mello, baby, are you okay?" the redhead asked in concern. Mello closed his mouth and smiled softly, nodding.

He raised his glass once more. "Here's to waiting."

Matt tilted his head to the side slightly while confusion brimmed in his eyes. They widened as realization struck him and Mello hoped that Matt's mind had followed his.

The confused faces of the audience faded to oblivion with the stars as the face of a smiling woman with bright green eyes appeared in Matt's mind. He smiled as he heard the words he'd so cherished as a child replayed in his mind.

'_I love you.' _

The emotion of love was so bright and shining in Mello's eyes and Matt knew that a lifetime of waiting had paid off.

He raised his own glass. "Because some things are worth waiting for."

**Word count: 10,091**


End file.
